


we never uttered fleeting words

by rinsinual



Series: you cared (past tense) [1]
Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-14
Updated: 2012-08-14
Packaged: 2017-11-12 03:58:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/486441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinsinual/pseuds/rinsinual
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He never says he loves Harvey, but he says “I care” and “you care”, and Harvey is just perceptive enough to understand what he means. But it isn’t a quote, and the words aren’t fleeting, and Harvey doesn’t know how to respond.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we never uttered fleeting words

Mike quoted movies like he recited law: quick and sharp and confident. Apollo 13, The Godfather, Casablanca, Slaughterhouse Five, Apocalypse Now, Star Wars, and once, Clueless--Mike took his lines from them all. The words had long since passed their time in the limelight, had been used and used, and forgotten by many, but for a moment they all rested fleetingly on Mike’s tongue. And Harvey would match him quote for quote, line for line; he knew how to take words too, how to make them something approaching his own.

_________

Later Harvey would say it began with a stolen hot dog. He’s already taken a bite out of it, but Mike eats it anyway, and it’s disgusting, it is, but that doesn’t stop Harvey from wiping away the mustard smeared on Mike’s cheek. It’s nothing, and Mike doesn’t look too hard into it, but Harvey’s a little unsettled. He doesn’t do that. Doesn’t touch people like that-- without intent, tenderly. So he’s unsettled, but he licks the mustard off his finger and watches Mike trace the movement with his eyes, watches pink stain his cheeks, and thinks maybe unsettled is okay.

It’s a Thing after that--capital T. Mike is a messy eater, but it gets messier, and all of a sudden he forgets how to use a napkin. Instead he just looks towards Harvey and smirks. It becomes second nature to lean in carefully, to touch Mike's face and make an lingering swipe with his thumb.

__________

Mike used to say _you care_. He said it triumphantly, challengingly, and--near the end--lovingly. He never says he loves Harvey, but he says _I care_ and _you care_ , and Harvey is just perceptive enough to understand what he means. But it isn’t a quote, and the words aren’t fleeting, and Harvey doesn’t know how to respond.

___________

They’re friends first. Harvey thinks that’s important. He didn’t just start fucking his associate--god it sounds wrong like that: dirty, and impure, and nothing like anything he could ever make Mike a part of. No, he becomes friends with his associate and then starts sleeping with his friend. And when they aren’t friends, when they’ve crossed all the lines of just-friends, then...well, then they’re something else, and it’s even better. Somewhere in there he starts caring, but Harvey isn’t sure exactly when. He suspects it was near the beginning. 

(He can say it now. He cared and he loved and he still cares, still loves.)

__________

Mike makes the first move--of course he does--but Harvey makes the second, and the third, and the fourth. He makes them with expensive gifts, and drives in fancy cars and homemade dinners overlooking the city. Whatever this is, he does it right. They exchange kisses--desperate and fast, too fast, but Harvey’s afraid of what will happen when he stops.

Mike tells him to slow down, it’s okay. He isn’t going anywhere. He licks into Harvey’s mouth, over his lips, and sucks his tongue--slow and easy, and it’s so honest, so fucking sincere; Harvey tries to pull back, but Mike won’t let him. He holds on, then.

(He held on, and it’s wasted, it’s wasted. He didn't-- )

__________

They don’t talk about the future. Part of it is Mike’s optimism. In Mike’s mind there’s plenty of time for everything. He thinks in absolutes and for him it’s a fact, as much as anything he’s learned in this new world Harvey’s given him: the law is precise, people are variable, and Harvey and Mike will be together. Harvey’s not so certain, but he doesn’t want to bring it to Mike’s attention. A part of him thinks that as soon as he does it’ll burst this bubble that their living in. This world where he is part of a _we_ , and Mike and Harvey are an _us_. He doesn’t know if he can handle reality, so he allows himself to fall into Mike”s fantasy. They have time; they’ll have time.

___________

Mike’s Grammy dies, and Harvey doesn’t understand. Mike still mourns his parents, dead when he was just a kid, and his Grammy’s death only adds to an ever present burden. All Harvey has are distant parents and a brother who thinks of him as nothing more than another piece of his messed up childhood. He’s doesn’t have anyone whose death could hurt him like that.

He shares this thought with Mike, and Mike laughs. It’s choken off and devoid of humour, and there’s something hurt underneath it. He says that he hopes, for his own sake, that isn’t true.

(Harvey wishes Mike’s Grammy were still alive more than anything. Well, not more than anything--of course not, but he wants to give something to of himself to Mike. Mike deserves it, and spending his time caring for the only family Mike had left, might have been something. Not enough, but it might have made Harvey feel better. Added a little to that place in his chest, where there had been nothing for so long and then everything and then nothing again.

He should be used to nothing, but he isn’t, and he doesn’t think that will change. It’s not enough anymore, and Harvey doesn’t want it to be, not ever again.)

____________

There’s no warning. Just the flash of headlights and the squeal of tires, and Harvey is standing next to a hospital bed.

Mike lies still for hours before he opens his eyes and says, _you cared_ \--past tense. The words are caught in his throat, so Harvey nods his answer. He looks up, but Mike’s eyes are closed again.

_____________

Mike dies, and Harvey regrets not saying it out loud.

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes I get a choked feeling of something sad, and I decide to write. This is the first time Harvey and Mike have been the victims.
> 
> There's a companion from Mike's point of view that may be posted at some point.


End file.
